Humor Inside The Walls Part 2

All we really have in here to look forward to is the Gym, Chow, mail, store, and of course the weight pit. Each place has its funny moments. The weight pit is by far the funniest. It’s always that one person trying to get everybody to look at him.

True story, one morning I happen to come out and I wanted to hit a few sets on legs. Seems like this is the only station open because everyone runs to chest and arms in prison. I have a pair of sunglasses that I call ‘Busta Blockas’. The name is self explanatory. I go to do my set trying to block all the bustas I can. One guy in particular I try to stay away from. I have been to other prisons with him and he’s the same at every one. This guy a grab all the dumb bells and set them around his bench so people would talk to him. ‘Anybody got these 40’s after you’? Another guy asked him. “Naw bra you can get em’, just bring em’ back”. The guy said showing off one of the biggest gaps I’ve ever seen. Now he has a way of rearranging the weight pit so it’s suitable for him. He’ll start moving in other people areas trying to make room. “Excuse bra, I’m goin put this over here”. He said picking up the preacher bench. “Come on man, keep that shit over there”. One of the regulars said to the guy. “You got enough room over there. Why is you all over here”? One the guys asked him. “Never mind, y’all tripping”. The guy said putting the bench back where it was. Now this guy has been like this for years. I was just observing everything and he actually had all this weight and didn’t lift no dumbbells, all he did was move other things in people areas getting everybody upset. Now it was his turn to sit down and hit his set. I give him credit, he worked out everyday but looked horrible. Fat stomach with small arms and a little chest. He would take his shirt off and put a weight pit belt on around his overlarge stomach, then he would put a large amount of weight on the bar then ask for a spot. Nobody wanted to spot him but you always had some fool that’ll do it. He had way to much weight on the bar and I knew he was not going to lift it. It had to be like 315lbs. I did my set and this guy yelled out loud as hell, “Watch me dawg cuz this shit going up”. He said showing off his Michael Strahan gap. “On ma three dawg, 1 2 3”. He said pushing the bar up. The guy behind him broke it and kept his hand there. He came down hard and bounced it off his chest but it didn’t come back up. The right side was going up but the other side was sort of stuck. “Get da bitch dawg, NIGGA GET THE BITCH OFF ME”. He clenched his teeth struggling to get the bar up. His spotter wasn’t worth a fart. He was trying but he needed help as well. So two more guys ran over to help him. When they got it up on the rack, gap man turned to the spotter and said “Some spot dawg, I almost died”. He said getting angry at the guy. “Man you do this shit everyday, come out here and take all the weight and put the heaviest weight on and try and lift it”. His spotter said defending himself. “All you on some bullshit, I was better off by myself. A anybody want these 50’s”? He asked in a fed up way. It was my third set when he came over to me and asked, “how many more sets you got”? He asked looking at me but only seeing a reflection of himself. “I got a couple left I’ll be sure to let you know when I’m done”. I said not wanting to be bothered. “You mind if I get a couple sets?” He asked already knowing the answer. “Not to be funny but I’m trying to train for something”. I said changing the weight. “Y’all be acting funny with the weights. I ain’t mad doe”. He said getting upset. I had been interrupted by him so I had to reactivate the blockas’. He lingered over to the incline bench looking like a vagabond. His pants were rolled up to his knees, his French braids were struggling to to reach his neck and he had some hand made shoes. Even though I didn’t want him around me he was very creative. He had literally made some gym shoes. They were Adidas on top but Nike on the bottom. This fool done sowed some shoes together. How, I don’t know. He went to the incline bench and put 285lbs on the bar and literally yelled out to the whole weight pit; “Watch me”. Loud as hell. The whole weight pit froze. The guy that spotted him the first time was like “Naw, I’m good, that nigga was musty”. I didn’t want him to hurt himself so I went to spot him. “Good looking, ain’t to many like you”. He said sporting that gap and wrapping his hand around the bar. “On my 3, 1, 2, 3”. He said. I broke it for him and kept my hands close to the bars. He let it come down hitting his stomach and the bar bouncing right back up. He did this 3 more times lifting his ass up to get it. On his last lift he was now struggling. His legs were dancing under him, his whole body was lifted out the seat and his two teeth in the front was biting his bottom lip. You could actually see the spit bubbles coming through his gap from him struggling lifting the weight. I was helping him but he was weak as shit. “I got chu man just keep pushing”. I said trying to get it off of him. “Rack the bitch.” I said trying to put it back. This fool say ;”One more fam”. So I’m like no you burnt. He ended up racking the bar. I headed back to my station and he yelled, “good looking bra bra, you need any of this weight before I leave”? He asked. “Naw I’m good, but good looking.” He took the belt off and grabbed his shirt and left. Soon as he left some guy blurted out “Damn dat nigga a bug dog”. I just shook my head and reset my ‘Busta blockas.

Christopher Clark/Chris x/HP Chris