Lack of Physical Connection Pt 2-Amy Black

Then covid 19 hit. And his cancer spread to his brain. my court hearing was March , 2021 by zoom of course because life as we know it has not been the same since Covid 19 hit. My dad died two days before my hearing. He never even got to know I was going to actually be getting out or that the judge would write a wonderful decision in my behalf. When I went to pick up the legal mail telling me the judge had ruled in my favor and I was going to go home after 31 years of having a natural life sentence! The first and only thing I wanted to do was hug both my parents and look into their eyes and see the genuine happiness that I know had never truly come from me or any thing I ever did before coming here. It was because of Covid that I never got to see my dad in person again. He continued to ask me if he could come see me again up until the last week before he passed when he was strictly bed ridden. That’s something I have no idea how I will ever be able to get out of my head. Those visions of him leaving while I looked at the picture tickets in my hand, tears dropped onto the picture tickets and smeared the black marker they at the store wrote my name on them with. Today I still have 20 picture tickets that I will never use. Every time I see them in my property it just reminds me again of another life lost, during a time In the world when a pandemic separated us from ppl we love so much. its taken so much from so many ppl so many firsts and just like for me, so many lasts. This leaves an emptiness that just cannot be put into words. Its something only kindred spirits can feel. Unless you have actually been affected in this way on a personal level that simple loss of physical contact can mean literally the difference between life and death. There are not enough words available to express that feeling. They can only be found inside the tears shed and the prayers sent up.
pray for my pain.
Amy l. Black 8-3-21 2:39a.m.